What to write in a Christmas card to someone who is grieving

As a busy time of year when friends and family traditionally come together, Christmas can be a lonely time for someone who is grieving. Sending them a Christmas card or letter can be a great comfort, but it can be difficult to know what to write and many of us worry about saying the ‘wrong’ thing. Here are some tips to help you show your support in a kind and respectful way.

Use the person’s name to show you remember them too

I can’t imagine how difficult this Christmas will be without [name]…
I am sure you will all miss [name] this Christmas, and every day…
I never met [name] but they sound like an amazing person…

Acknowledge the difficulty to recognise their feelings

I can’t begin to understand how you must be feeling…
I’m sorry for your loss and wish I could ease your grief…
Please give yourself grace to feel however you need to…

Share the comfort of a happy memory

I’m reminded of [name] whenever I [think of / do / go / hear]...
Do you remember when [name] [said / did / went / shared]...
[Name] was always the first person to [give an example of something kind]...

Offer your support in whatever way they need

I am always here for you, whether you need [practical] or would like [emotional]…
Is there anything you need or I can do to help?
Would it be helpful if I [give a specific example e.g. cook dinner / get shopping]...

Extend an invitation

You are very welcome to join us…
We would love to see you…
Would you like to come…

Reassure them that a response isn’t required

There’s no pressure to reply…
Please don’t feel you need to respond…
I just want you to know I am here…

Sign off with kindness and compassion

Please know you are in our [thoughts / prayers]...
We will be thinking of you…
Sending love and support to you all…

If it helps, you might like to practise writing your message first or say it out loud to hear how the words sound and if that’s what you mean to say.

And take time to choose a card that feels sensitive as a cute, funny or ‘merry and bright’ message may not feel appropriate to them at this time.